Jim's Page

You know you live in Boulder if...

(Some of these go back a few years, like references to "Nancy's" and "Rocky Mountain Joe's." See me at Happy Hour for explanations, if necessary?)

1) Your co-worker tells you s/he has eight body piercings and three tattoos, but none is visible.
2) You make around $100,000 a year and can’t afford a house closer than East Louisville or West Kansas.
3) You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. And whether it was roasted at the Brewing Market on 13th or the one next to McGuckin’s Hardware on Folsom.
4) A really great parking space can move you to tears. Almost a crying jag if it’s in front of The Med.
5) You know that anyone wearing long pants in November is just visiting and probably from Ohio.
6) You’re thinking of taking a continuing education evening class but you can’t decide among yoga, aromatherapy, kayak rolling, or a course on building your own web site.
7) A man walks down the Pearl St. Mall in full leather regalia complete with a speedo under chaps... and you don’t notice. The cops hassle him because he’s smoking a joint... you notice and start collecting funds for his legal defense.
8) You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.
9) You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is a local.
10) An obese family gets out of a car. You check the license plate and feel vindicated that it says, “Iowa.”
11) You keep a list in your wallet of companies to boycott. You check it religiously when you shop at King Soopers or Safeway. You know it’s not necessary to check it when shopping at Alfalfa’s or Whole Foods.
12) Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight, and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.
13) You make dinner plans around who’s got the best Margaritas. But you try to avoid the Rio Grande because everybody goes there. And you hate their three-Marg limit.
14) You complain about their prices but still shop at Alfalfa’s for the scene. But you’re secretly drawn to the new Whole Foods for their produce and the real cutie in the herbal department.
15) You’ll create a virtual holy war over whether the additive-free burgers are better at The West End or Tom’s Tavern.
16) You’ll never admit to sneaking a burger -- with fries -- at McDonald’s on 28th.
17) You never shop at Crossroads Mall, that tacky collection of connected stores they built in the old railroad yards. Except when Foley’s is having a sale and you need underwear. And then you try to get in and get out without being seen by friends.
18) Your summer shoes are your Chaco Z2s and your winter shoes are your Birkies w/ socks. Ragg socks, of course.
19) Your wardrobe consists of: coupla tank tops, coupla T-shirts, faded Levi’s, canvas hiking shorts, sweats, a Bikini, Chacos, Birkenstocks, hiking boots, boarding clothes, river clothes, bike shorts, running shoes, and three items of Patagonia fleece for which you exceeded your credit card limit.
20) You abandoned a friendship because she told friends she saw you dancing “Country Two-Step” at The Old Dillon Inn. And she didn’t explain it was because your friends insisted on stopping there on the way back from boarding at Breck because they needed beers.
21) You consider chips, guac, and a microbrew a well-balanced meal. Three microbrews improves the balance.
22) When you go out, you make sure you've grabbed your water bottle before checking to see if you’ve got your wallet and keys. House keys are an option because you never lock the front door, anyway.
23) You don’t mind parking a mile away as long as it’s in the shade and not too far up the canyon.
24) You’d rather ride your bike than get in a car without air conditioning, which you’ll deny was turned on, anyway. At least on your bike, you’re guaranteed a breeze regardless of traffic on 28th Street.
25) The food at the company holiday party is all vegan, organic, soy
free, wheat free, dairy free. (Most Boulderites are either allergic or political when it comes to food. Those who aren’t are recent arrivals. Those who eat beef arrived from Texas.)

Adds from Christopher Ernst (former housemate and attorney):
1. You prefer Vic’s to Brewing Market or at least consider it an acceptable substitute and an alternative to feeling guilty about going to Starbucks.
2. You think it’s okay to eat eggs, ham, bacon, etc., but only if you're at Lucile’s, Dot's Diner, or Rocky Mountain Joe's.
3. You shop at Liquor Mart for the prices, but Wine Merchant has better service and the staff recognizes you by name.
4. You’re skeptical about the West End without The Beav (Founder, now deceased).
5. You think Boulder County is good for Open Space and biking; otherwise, you’re careful to distinguish “The City” from “The County,” and prefer to be at least west of Folsom, if not Broadway.
6. Occasionally you reminisce about Nancy’s, that breakfast place that used to be on Upper Walnut.
7. Going to McGuckin's feels like going on a religious retreat.